Happy bisexuality awareness week! It’s like Christmas, except instead of Santa Claus we have Megan Thee Stallion and instead of gifts…well, actually, I do take gifts!
Discussions of sex and sexuality aren’t things that are encouraged in Nigerian society, and we still have a long way to go before LGBTQ people in this country can be free, but here at FEMME MAG we value radical concepts like basic human decency and not being homophobic…you may not know many bisexual people IRL (or you might think you don’t know any…), but we do exist! And there are some misconceptions about bisexuality that we want to clear up!
1. The Threesome Thing
You know what I’m talking about…bisexuality is defined by attraction to more than one gender, and for some reason, most people think that means you’re just having constant orgies. It’s kind of flattering actually…you really think we’ve got game like that? Ha! It’s hard enough finding one person to hook up with…
2. It’s not 50/50
I mean, for some people it can be- but people are more complicated than that. Some people prefer men, and some people prefer womxn. Some people might prefer womxn but mostly date men because the opportunity to be with a woman has just never come up. Some people might prefer men but mainly date women because…I mean, have you met a man? Some bisexual people may prefer nonbinary people, which leads me to my next point.
3. The “bi” in “bisexual”
A lot of people are under the impression that because there’s a “bi” in the word “bisexual”, that bisexuality can only be defined in binary terms. Some people may even use the word “pansexual” to communicate their attraction to people regardless of their gender identity. But don’t get it twisted-bisexuality is just attraction to more than one gender-that could be men and womxn, or womxn and nonbinary people, or any other combination.
4. You don’t stop being bisexual
Unless you just personally stop identifying as bisexual (because sexuality is fluid and all that), you never stop being bisexual. It doesn’t matter who you’re in a relationship with- you’re still bisexual. You could marry a man, and still be attracted to people who are not men- you don’t suddenly become straight. Bisexuality is a valid sexuality in itself, period.
5. It’s not all about sex
This actually goes for every sexuality, but for SOME reason, people think bisexuality is just more inherently sexual because most people think LGBTQ people are just more inherently sexual. In reality, you can be bi and asexual (which is defined as a lack of sexual attraction to other people), or you can be sexually attracted to other people and still not want to have a lot of sex. Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a lot of sex, but bisexual people are not hormone monsters- we’re just people.
6. We’re not confused!
A lot of people feel too comfortable telling bisexual people that we’re just greedy sex-hungry monsters who can’t pick a side, and I want to make it clear- I am a greedy sex-hungry monster who can’t make a decision to save my life, but that has nothing to do with my bisexuality, that’s just a me thing.
OK, but to be serious- this is a really damaging idea that actively harms bisexual womxn. If a person tells you that they are bisexual, they’re not saying that they’re confused, or unsure, or that this is just a phase that they’re going through. They’re bisexual, and no one gets to tell them otherwise. Period.
