It feels weird, with everything going on, to celebrate a new year. In more ways than one, this year feels the same, with the familiar ‘new year, new me’ energy missing in action. Instead, we’re still doomscrolling, working from the same dining tables we had Christmas lunch on and separated from loved ones. In these chaotic times, setting resolutions and declaring to be the best version of ourselves feels out of place. For starters, we’re exhausted, and I can’t think of anything worse than vowing to dry January, swear less and wake up at the crack of dawn to meditate my way into landing on whatever bs list there is out there.
If 2020 taught us anything, it’s that you can only plan so much. There are limits to what we can control and nothing is really guaranteed. As someone who is a compulsive planner, last year shook me to my core. I found it disorienting and was emotionally drained with the fact that I didn’t know what each day had in store for me when I woke up. My mental health took a nosedive and some days I could only muster enough energy to change positions on my bed. It was hard to plan, but most importantly, it was hard for me to think about the future. I couldn’t see beyond the ‘right now’ or envision a future where we returned back to the way things were.
‘Live in the moment’ is a popular adage used to encourage us to be present and recognize the importance of right now. However, when you actually live in the moment every moment, as we did during peak lockdown times in March through May ( a period that I have successfully blocked from my memory), it’s kinda depressing. With no future to look to, it’s difficult to sort of see the point in doing anything. It also doesn’t make it easy when you live in a culture that glorifies hustle porn and encourages you to always.. do things.
In a year filled with so much disruption, doing things wasn’t really an option anyway. For some, that disruption looked like cancelled weddings and travel plans. For others, disruption was fighting police brutality, grieving the loss of loved ones and battling with illnesses. With so much disruption at hand, is it any surprise why we all feel so disoriented at the start of 2021? Why we’re feeling less productive and more tired? With minutes, hours and days coalescing into one large grey mush?
I must admit, it’s been a relief not to see lots of posts about things we need to resolve to do this year. You know the ones I’m talking about: lengthy captions with pensive poses that tell us if we haven’t started working on our new year goals by the 4th of January then it’s basically a wrap. Pack it in dear. Try again next year.
We’re currently living in a time where we’re really just trying to survive and do the best we can. Our lives have changed in remarkable ways and coming to terms with both the scope and impact of these changes is going to take some time to adjust. Yes, goals, but also be kind to yourself?
Elghosa Osunde’s Reality Is Plasticine shows what the process of adjustment can look like. The process of having a world that we thought of as sturdy, steady and sure, evaporate in front of our eyes. The process of mourning what we thought our lives should look and then getting on that journey of rebuilding, reorganizing and reshaping. It’s not the colourful Instagram infographics or the vision boarding (though these can help) but really just doing the work of piecing together our lives.
It’s hard to put together a life that has been disrupted, especially when we’re running a race that doesn’t seem like there’s a finish line in sight. But it is doable. I think the goal right now when we’re pretty much in survival mode, is moving at a comfortable pace. It’s getting rid of the guilt of what our lives ‘should’ look like and how we ‘should feel’. Some days you only have the capacity to get out of bed, shower and get back in. That’s ok. The world will wait and there’s no pressing need to get everything done right now. Also, everyone knows the New Year doesn’t really start until February.
